From Meg (cf eb sle b AT a ol.c om):

Re: Ladies second: are we sexist in writing? (March 16): I’m female and find I am almost always listed second since I married. I kept my last name and my husband kept his. I have ordered museum/zoo passes with my credit card. They were sent to our house with my husband’s name. . a totally different name than mine since we don’t share a last name. He was not involved in the purchase at all and I am unsure why this happened. I sent them back. The woman on the other end was very understanding. I take care of our bank accounts but often find his social security number is the default security number. I end up getting locked out of my own account. I pay all the bills but often find that my name can’t be found until they type in my husband name and then find my name. Our property contact for our county was automatically listed with his name. I did all the paper work for the property although we both own it. My husband is almost always the person that is contacted for billing and property stuff even if that involves calling him at his place of employment.

It is not just which name comes first. It is everywhere in how business is conducted and has driven me crazy since I married. It’s as if I became a non person. I did not take my husbands name when I married. Women became the property of a man in the past... they became Mrs. Male name Whomever... like Mrs. Fred Jones. I’ve talked to many well educated women that changed their last name and thought nothing of it. They have also said they thought their husbands would have been very upset if they had kept their last name. The thought of asking their husband to take their last name is way to far from the average thinking in the US or probably most places in the world to be considered. My children born to my husband and me have my last name. I only know of two other women who have passed on their last name to their children while married to the children’s father. One is my sister. The only time children get the mother’s last name would be if they are not married with an uninvolved father.

Anyway, the problem is way more insidious than just the traditional listing of males before females. It how business in conducted in my experience throughout the US. One more story. A good friend of mine had a teaching position and ready to buy a home. Her husband was still in school not earning an income. They would not give her the loan. Her husband not earning an income had to be listed first on the loan even thought he had no ability to make the payments. It goes on and on.